


this is me trying a.k.a. stubborn love

by freedomqueen



Category: Doctor Who (2005), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Ada Cackle - Freeform, Alternate Universe, Angst, F/M, Harry Potter - Freeform, Hecate Hardbroom - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Minerva McGonagall - Freeform, Romance, Severus Snape - Freeform, hermione granger - Freeform, minor appearances for, ron weasley - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-14
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:42:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27002176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freedomqueen/pseuds/freedomqueen
Summary: Hogwarts AU/Crossover, one-shot | Cornered by The Silence, The Doctor believed it was time for desperate measures. However, destiny and his old sexy thing called The Tardis had different plans for him, which is how he finds himself at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry facing a River Song who doesn’t know him just yet.***Or, the reason why The Doctor and River have a huge fight and he ends up living (sulking) amongst otters for a month.
Relationships: Eleventh Doctor/River Song
Comments: 4
Kudos: 10





	this is me trying a.k.a. stubborn love

**Author's Note:**

> Hello you all! 
> 
> I hope everyone, wherever you are, is safe. Don't be an arse and wear a mask, please. 
> 
> So, 2020 (despite everything) got me inspired. Reign, Suspiria and now... Doctor Who! Who would’ve thought? Definitely not me.  
> Heads up, don't try to place this one-shot in River/Eleven's timeline (or Twelve, or Ten for that matter), it is what it is: scenes from the actual show, some imagination and the needs of a fangirl of more River/Eleven moments. Although I wish to, I do not own any Doctor Who/Harry Potter rights or characters. 
> 
> Before I leave you to it, I want to say a huge thank you to my awesome, talented betareader @cessation. I'm so happy to get you back. ♡ 
> 
> Now, hope you enjoy reading the story as much I enjoyed writing it! If you do and feel like it, leave kudos and/or comments, it’s always a boost for the spirit. 
> 
> Ps. Am I working on my first The Worst Witch (2017) one-shot? Wait to find out… ;-)

* * *

> **_Is it possible to love so_ **
> 
> **_desperately that life is_ **
> 
> **_unbearable?_** **_I_** **_don’t mean_**
> 
> **_unrequited, I mean being in the_ **
> 
> **_love. In_ ** **_the midst of it and_ **
> 
> **_desperate. Because knowing it_ **
> 
> **_will end, because everything_ **
> 
> **_does. End._ **
> 
> **_– Peter Heller_ **

****

****

_What you are going to be, Melody, is very, very brave._

She had joined Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry eleven years ago. Persuaded by Professor Minerva McGonagall, Doctor River Song had since then not only joined the school’s rank of teachers, obtaining a Professor’s title, but she had also become Deputy Head of Slytherin House.

_Professor River Song._

Hogwarts welcomed her with open arms—being a world-renowned time traveller (well, universally-renown in this case) certainly came in handy. River settled in perfectly; Luna University had started to feel like a cage, so when McGonagall proposed the idea, she didn't hesitate.

The years had passed by smoothly, uneventfully, with her enjoying life at Hogwarts…that was, until rumours of Voldemort’s rise to power began to surface once more. It was said that Voldemort and his Death Eaters were not alone—the magical and non-magical world whispered, in fear, the name of a new ally: a movement known as _The Silence_.

On a day like any other, headmaster Albus Dumbledore sought out River in the castle grounds to inform her of details for the upcoming sorting ceremony for Hogwarts’ new first year students. Although he tried to conceal it, River noticed he seemed preoccupied, distracted; worried, surely, about Voldemort and his movements. She herself felt shaken—anxious that someone as indomitable as Dumbledore seemed rattled. And it was as if she absorbed his fears and worries for her own. Ever since that day she had only been able to find solace in _that_ room…

The large, ancient golden mirror never reflected her. Every time she stood in front of it, she lost herself in the image the mirror showed, captivated by it.

**…**

“Oh, sorry—didn’t mean to—”

_River._

The Doctor froze in place, his hand still on the doorknob. He had been looking for River since he’d heard The Silence was joining forces with Voldemort, but it never occurred to him it would be as easy as opening a door and just running into her. However, it was a fact that he always forgot the special relationship the Tardis and River had… if that notion had been on his mind, of course The Doctor would have considered that possibility. The Tardis tended to show up whenever her child needed it.

As she turned, searching for the source of the sudden interruption, The Doctor noticed River’s eyes were lacking their usual spark. The—usually brightest of blue—pools that had so many times gazed back at him with nothing but infinite love were now dark, her gaze hollow: a single tear ran shamelessly down her cheek. She didn’t wipe it away, vulnerability on show for him to contemplate. It was a cruel reminder that the woman standing mere metres away from him was River Song, but, at the same time, she truly wasn’t. Not _his_ River anyway.

Clearing his throat nervously, The Doctor approached River, kneeling to retrieve her belongings. However, while well-intended, this proved to be of little help, since his hands wouldn’t stop shaking. Every time he picked something up he would drop it all over again.

“It’s fine,” River said, and unlike The Doctor, managed to collect all of her belongings, putting an end to his embarrassment.

“John Smith by the way,” The Doctor introduced himself, dusting off his jeans. He offered his hand, yearning for her touch but River did not take it. Instead, she gave him a tight-lipped yet tender smile.

“Professor River Song—”

“—Archaeologist,” The Doctor offered before she could finish her sentence.

“Adjunct Professor of Time Travel,” she stared at him, slightly annoyed by his interruption. A smile too much like _his_ River’s pulled at her lips.

“Archaeology at Hogwarts? Really?” she asked incredulously, teasing him. River's eyes flickered briefly to the mirror. “What kind of profession is that, anyway?”

“Sorry. Right—” The Doctor mentally slapped himself—the River he was talking to was not _his_ River. She would never be. “—No. I thought you were…”

“You don’t know me,” River cut him off; her voice was not cold, but the detachment that tinged it made The Doctor’s hearts sink. “You know, there’s something us time travellers like to say: ‘I’m a time traveller, I point and laugh at archaeologists.’” Turning to leave, she gave The Doctor—although she couldn’t have known it—River Song’s trademark flirty smile.

“See you around, John Smith.”

The Doctor nodded silently and looked back to the mirror, like River had been doing before he’d come in unannounced. But the image the Mirror of Erised gave him, his hearts’ most desperate desire, was too painful to hold his gaze. Professor McGonagall’s voice calling River’s name brought him back to the present.

“Professor Song! There you are,” said the elderly woman, gently guiding River out of the room and into the crowded corridor. “I see you met Professor Smith.”

By McGonagall’s side, River’s eyes met his in a quick glance before she turned away again.

“ _Till the next time, River,”_ The Doctor whispered to himself, noticing for the first time the precious object she had unwittingly left behind. Kneeling, he carefully picked up the golden fob watch with Gallifreyan inscriptions etched on it. The perception filter worked perfectly.

**…**

The Doctor wandered aimlessly through Hogwarts’ corridors. New students came and went in the halls, lost, just as he was, trying to find their assigned classrooms. Older students meandered leisurely, knowing exactly where they were to be expected. The days following September 1st could be rather chaotic, The Doctor soon learned. 

“Lost something, John?” Albus Dumbledore’s composed voice brought The Doctor back to reality; he realised he’d walked all the way to the Black Lake, away from the bustle of students.

“How long has it been since Professor Song started at Hogwarts?” The Doctor asked, ignoring Dumbledore’s question. Crouching, he grabbed several stones from the ground and started to skip them, one by one, across the lake’s surface.

Dumbledore approached The Doctor’s side slowly but didn’t speak right away. Instead, a companionable silence fell between the two men. The ripples caused by the stones skipping on the water distorted their reflections.

“I believe almost eleven years, could be twelve or even ten-- my old memory couldn’t precisely tell. Professor Song has been quite the excellent addition to our teaching staff.

“I don’t doubt it for a second,” The Doctor agreed.

“I know what you are doing, _Doctor_ , but River Song is quite safe at Hogwarts,” Dumbledore peered at him sternly over the rim of his half-moon glasses, “Rest assured that I am following your strict and, might I say, rather unreasonable orders.”

“Sometimes I worry…that’s why I—I felt something was wrong, as did Amy and Rory.”

“And the Tardis, don’t forget. She’s the one who brought you here in the first place, was she not? But, of course! A mother missing her dearest child. Of course she would bring you here.” Starting towards the castle, Dumbledore paused a moment for The Doctor to fall into step with him. “I believe your mistake is misjudging that feeling as one of something being wrong when it is not…forcing a procedure through the Chameleon Arch into someone, well, yes, that’d be what I would point out as being wrong instead.”

“We—I did it to _protect_ her!” The Doctor protested indignantly, tired of the constant judgement of his actions. There was always an accusation, that he cared too much or not at all, but whatever he did it was never enough. 

“Even so…as I said, River is safe at Hogwarts, as safe as she could be anywhere. The Silence and Voldemort are forging an alliance as we speak, Doctor. How long do you think they are going to take to find her? Is she better off not knowing?”

“—I’m late for classes. Thank you, Dumbledore,” The Doctor cut the old man off rudely, striding away back towards the castle.

River did not know just yet, but he had promised. On days like this one, however, The Doctor found himself on the precipice of crossing a treacherous bridge…the dangerous question he dared not ask aloud popping unbidden into his mind. Had he really promised it? During dark and hopeless days his answer was clear-cut: _he_ hadn’t promised her a thing, he couldn’t have. He didn’t even know her, not yet.

> _“Time can be rewritten!”_
> 
> “ _Not those times._ _Not one line. Don’t you dare.”_

A River Song he didn’t know had bid him not to change a single thing about their story, deliberately forcing a promise on him and he had helplessly agreed. The consequences were an empty chair, a saved file. On days this desperate, The Doctor had convinced himself he didn’t have a promise to live up to. He hadn’t known back then, but River had become someone precious to him and he wasn’t ready to just stay put and let it go like his younger self.

He, being stubborn, didn’t simply run out on the people he cared about. What he was doing was exploiting a loophole he had found. He was breaking one promise to keep another just as important.

_Love is a promise_.

**…**

"Hello, class!" The Doctor greeted his students cheerfully, entering the classroom with a dramatic spin and his arms spread open. "I hope you're all excited because I am, it being the first day for us all!”

But he was met with a resounding silence. Instead, his students were gaping open-mouthed, eyes flitting between The Doctor with his ludicrously chirpy entrance to the person sitting clearly amused behind the desk.

“Riv—Professor Song, sorry. I didn’t know we were sharing classes. I must say this is a privilege,” The Doctor said hurriedly, shaking off the moment of awkwardness and striding towards the desk as confidently as possible. River's piercing blue eyes didn't leave his for an instant, and The Doctor dared to wonder if she was flirting with him as the corner of her mouth twitched, betraying a bemused smile. Apparently this sentiment was also not lost on the young adults in the class that kept staring at him...far from the bright young eyes he expected of first years.

“We don’t share classes, Professor Smith. I’m with the _seventh_ years, and I’m beginning—well, _trying_ to begin the class. The basic rules of time travel.”

_Rules?_ The Doctor thought, bewildered. Oh, how he missed _his_ River Song.

> _“Be careful!”_
> 
> _“Careful? Tried that once. Ever so dull.”_

The Doctor snapped out of his train of thought when River gave him the most beautiful smile, standing from the desk. “Are you planning on joining us, or…?” A delicate hand gestured towards the classroom door, signal for _‘leave, please.’_

The Doctor took in River’s green and gold robe with strange embroidery that could only be Gallifreyan words on her sleeves and neckline, her curls a beautiful mess, and now, she was wearing glasses. He looked away quickly when River coughed and gave him a pointed look that could only mean he had been caught staring.

“Sorry! Right—” He apologised while straightening his bowtie with shaky hands. “No. Not that I wouldn’t mind having you as a teacher—since all the knowledge—” What was he even trying to say? Better keep it short before he could embarrass himself even further in front of the class. “Not Herbology class, then?”

“Go through the Transfiguration Courtyard and that is where you will find the greenhouses. May I continue with my class now, Professor Smith?”

“Right,” The Doctor said, dramatically turning around to head out, his face the brightest of reds. Several pairs of eyes followed him.

**…**

The rest of the day went very well. The Doctor enjoyed the company of the eager young students, many of them asking questions and keen to learn. From time to time his mind went back to River and the fob watch which was now safely hidden in his breast pocket.

After classes were done for the day, he was heading to The Great Hall to join the rest of the school for dinner when he spotted River talking to three young students. One of them, a redhead, gaped spellbound at her, probably developing a student-professor crush. The Doctor couldn’t blame him. The other two, however, were avidly listening to whatever River was saying to them.

“Why can’t you do it, Professor Song? We won’t tell a soul!” The Doctor heard the young boy with glasses and a funny scar on his forehead ask her, the girl with lots of bushy brown hair nodding fervently at his side. “You can’t even give us private lessons?”

At the boy’s words River laughed.

“I'm sorry Mister Potter, but time travel, as may have already been explained to you by Professor McGonagall, is an elective only available to seventh year students. Although I’m not sure how you and Miss Granger had this—”

_Time-vortex energy_ , River thought but decided against speaking up. Spoilers were spoilers after all.

“Never mind. I’m sure we’ll cross paths again in a couple of years. Now I must go, Professor Smith is waiting for me,” River dismissed the students and lifted her blue eyes to rest on him, the warmest of smiles dancing, for the second time that day, on her lips.

It could _almost_ be her.

“Sorry,” The Doctor conceded, and waved goodbye to the children as they walked away. “I didn’t want to disturb, _again_.”

River tucked The Doctor’s arm into hers. He didn't object, covering River's hand gladly with his own and letting her guide them inside the Great Hall, students' eyes following as they made their way towards the professors’ table. But as they reached the far end of the hall, instead of going to the teachers’ table, River guided them through a small door and up a seemingly never-ending flight of stairs. She only let go of The Doctor’s arm once they reached what could only be the top of the Astronomy Tower.

“You can call me John, by the way. Or The Doctor.”

“Little ostentatious, don’t you think? I think John will do for now.”

The flirtation in her voice sent shivers down his spine. Elbows resting against the parapet, they stood side by side in comfortable silence overlooking the Black Lake. The sun was setting, staining the lake the strangest orange.

"How long have you been teaching at Hogwarts?" The Doctor asked as he studied River, the setting sun doing wonders to her beautiful face, her eyes downcast, delicate fingers fidgeting with a loose thread from her robe, her wild curls dancing free against the wind.

“I believe almost eleven years, though it really doesn’t feel like that much time.” There was sadness in her eyes and voice. “McGonagall came to find me. I was working at Luna University but felt like I needed a change of scenery.”

River stopped, looking into the horizon once more before turning back to the parapet, unconsciously glancing towards The Doctor’s breast pocket, like she suddenly remembered the missing fob watch; as if, deep down, she knew he had it.

“Sometimes I feel like I’m running and hiding, not sure why or from what. Like some part, a huge part of my life is missing—” River stopped once more, shaking her head and looked The Doctor in the eye. “Sorry John, I don’t want to spoil your first day,” she touched his arm lightly. “Not sure why I’m telling you this or even crying.”

“It’s okay to be sad sometimes,” The Doctor offered with a small smile, wiping away River’s single tear delicately with his thumb; her blue eyes opened wide in surprise at the sudden and intimate touch, but she didn’t object. It felt right.

“I’m not sad.”

“Then why are you crying? It’s all right. I understand,” forgetting who they were, The Doctor tried to embrace her but River took a hesitant step back.

“I’m not sure I do—It’s getting cold, we should be heading back. You coming?” River asked, waiting for The Doctor near the staircase. He hadn’t moved from his spot.

“You go, River. I’ll stay a while longer.”

Vincent van Gogh’s words to Amy echoed in his mind: _“Oh, Amy. I hear the song of your sadness. You’ve lost someone, I think.”_

The Doctor watched River go. Of course, deep down, she knew something was missing. River would always know…but he had promised Amy and Rory. He needed to try, he needed to prevent her from reaching The Library, no matter what.

_Love is a promise._

He wished Amy was with him to guide him or to shout a few words and make it all clear again. Rory was best at it though, less tactful but always right.

> _“You know what’s dangerous about you? It’s not that you make people take risks, it’s that you make them want to impress you. You make it so they don’t want to let you down. You have no idea how dangerous you make people to themselves when you’re around.”_

Maybe he should go back to the Tardis and leave Hogwarts…maybe he should leave River behind, maybe that way she would be safe. The watch in his pocket suddenly burned and The Doctor fumbled as he withdrew it. It was like the watch was also telling him what he already knew.

> _Not one line. Don’t you dare._

**…**

_Several months later_

“Hush now!” River ordered, trying to keep John quiet in their way back to her chambers, but he kept talking on and on about Asgardians, their atrocious sense of fashion, how he hadn't enjoyed their meals, and, most importantly, how awfully rude it was for the waitress to flirt with River even though it was clearly obvious she and him were on a date…and, even more rudely, how River had flirted back.

“If you don’t stop talking John, I swear to whatever gods you believe in, I _am_ going to slap you,” River warned, exasperated, as they reached the door to her chambers.

The Doctor clamped a hand over his mouth; his River would’ve slapped him already, no warnings heeded.

“Or…you could shut me up.” The Doctor’s voice was muffled, hand still clamped over his mouth, but River got the innuendo. One perfect eyebrow shot up and a smug smile appeared on her red lips.

“Would you like that, hmm?”

“Maybe, _quizás_ , _m_ _å_ _ske_ ,” he replied in a playful tone, stretching his arm against the doorframe and cornering her against the door.

River’s smile grew wider and The Doctor thought he heard her whisper something that could only have been _naughty boy_ before she took a step forward, pressing herself against him and kissing him. With a quick hand, she opened the door and dragged them inside the room, immediately closing it and crushing The Doctor against it.

“Feeling a bit cornered, John?” 

The Doctor initiated the kiss this time, his hands finding her beautiful, wild, soft curls. His legs almost gave way when River moaned against his lips, reaching for his tweed jacket. The Doctor’s hands found her waist, bringing her as close as was physically possible. Their kiss was slow yet desperate at the same time. He didn’t object when River finally got rid of his tweed jacket, now moving to unfasten his bowtie, until—

_Knock knock._

Like a child caught red-handed, The Doctor grabbed River by her shoulders and pushed her to arm’s length.

“I am _not_ opening that door, John,” River whispered in an agitated raspy voice, her hands roaming over his chest.

“Why not?” The Doctor asked obliviously.

“You’re kidding, right?”

_Knock knock._

“… _Fine_.” River gave up, rearranging her gown and giving John a little push with her hip as she moved to open the door.

“What?! No! You were supposed to wait—”

“Ah, Severus,” River greeted in her sweetest voice, “Please, do come in.”

“Professor Song,” Snape addressed her with a curl of his lip. “And—Professor Smith, _of course._ ”

The Doctor scrunched up his nose and knelt to grab his jacket, trying to be sly about what he was doing in River’s room and failing terribly in his attempt.

“I’m just going to—”

“Please take a seat, John. I’ll talk with Severus and then we can resume exactly where we left off,” River winked flirtatiously, a wicked smile on her lips. She adored teasing him—adored the way he stumbled over his words when he felt awkward, relished the faint pink flush that appeared at the tops of his cheeks.

“…Right. You mean back to studying why Time Travel is important for Herbology, in order to protect species—”

“Hush now, the grown-ups are talking,” River cut him off and The Doctor raised his hands in surrender, giving up on trying to fix his disheveled appearance.

She disappeared with Professor Snape into her private studio, but not before giving John a warning look. Resigned, he unceremoniously slumped onto River’s chaise lounge.

“Spoilsports!” John huffed.

Time ticked. Severus and River didn’t emerge from the studio; The Doctor could hear their voices deep in conversation but couldn’t figure out what the pair were talking about. He grew restless, getting up from where he had been skimming an interesting novel River had on her coffee table and started wandering, scanning River rooms inch by inch. Then he started arranging her bookshelves in alphabetical order, tripping one or two (or four or five) times over several piles of books that were on the floor, making one hell of a noise.

“ _Archaeologist,_ ” The Doctor cursed, attempting to right the pile of books.

The door of the studio finally opened, both River and Snape emerged and remained in conversation as they walked to the door together; neither of them paid any attention to The Doctor.

“Professor Smith.” Severus addressed him before leaving.

The Doctor swore the faintest of smirks pulled at Snape’s lips as he muttered to River, “Couldn’t you just slap him sometimes?”

“I will keep it in mind, Severus. Night.”

**…**

As he waited for River to make their grand entrance to the Hogwarts’ New Year’s ball _and_ anniversary, The Doctor pondered that it didn’t matter in which point of time and space he and River were, eventually their paths would cross, their timelines drawn to one another.

The New Year’s Ball was a massive success. The Great Hall was crowded, full of students and teachers from all over the magical world, drinking, eating, dancing… everyone had come to celebrate Hogwarts’ anniversary as one of the oldest schools and pioneers of magical education, welcoming both wizards and witches alike.

After spending hours talking with their colleagues and dancing few songs with John, River needed some space and left the Great Hall. The Doctor, of course, complained. He really enjoyed dancing with her.

“But River! This is only the eleventh song. We can take a break later!” He tried to convince her with a dramatic twirl and a quick peck on her lips. 

“It will be just a minute, my love. Here, Minerva, dance with John,” River grabbed Professor McGonagall who was passing by and, quite literally, deposited her into John’s arms, taking note of his expression before leaving—of course, it was priceless.

River looked for solace in the dimly-lit corridors of Hogwarts, eventually coming to a stop in one of the castle's courtyards. She sat down on a stone bench, deep in thought; so deep in fact, that she didn’t hear the sound of approaching footsteps.

“Ah, my dear Professor Song, come to enjoy the brisk evening air?” Dumbledore asked as he neared her. He peered good-naturedly at her over the rim of his half-moon glasses, “Is there something the matter?”

He stood by her side and gently patted her on the back, giving her time to answer his questions if she was so inclined. However, it appeared that only at Dumbledore’s touch River noticed the wizard’s presence, acknowledging him with a sidelong glance and a tight smile.

“Not really. I needed space—it was too crowded. ”

“Oh, if I only knew—”

“It’s fine, Albus. Guess a little company won’t hurt,” River said, patting the bench where she was sitting. Surprise coloured her face when Dumbledore kindly offered his handkerchief to her. “Sorry. I find myself crying very often these days…except I don’t truly know why…and when it feel like I’m finally about to wrap my head around the reason, it just—disappears—slips from my mind.”

Across the courtyard and through the enormous doors of the Great Hall, River could see John still dancing stupidly with McGonagall; something she would have never believed lest she’d seen it with her own eyes. She smiled at John’s carefree display. After almost a year, it still amazed her how he could so easily enjoy the little things. Since day one their relationship hadn’t felt like getting to know a stranger; rather, it had been more like a puzzle piece falling into its rightful place.

“I hope Professor Smith is not the cause of your tears,” Dumbledore ventured, meeting River’s gaze.

“Of course not,” River said, laying her hand over Dumbledore’s, her strong, decisive blue eyes connecting with his, reassuring him that she meant what she was saying. “I just…Sometimes I feel like we already know each other, maybe from another point in time, or a parallel universe…”

She shook her head and let out an exasperated sigh, mentally scolding herself for speaking aloud that stupid idea. Although, as a time-traveller, she knew it could perfectly well be the case. Unconsciously, deep down however, she knew it wasn’t.

“There’s this odd feeling—this irritating voice in the back of my mind that keeps telling me there’s something John is not telling me. Something important. But that’s just ludicrous, isn’t it?”

“Do not doubt your instincts, River. Instinct is a most useful feeling we often overlook in favour of logic.”

River didn’t reply to Dumbledore’s words. Instead, silence fell over the two of them as they watched the goings-on’s of the Great Hall; John was now—unbelievably—dancing with none other than Miss Hecate Hardbroom, the deputy headmistress and potions professor at Miss Cackle’s Academy for Witches.

“HB is going to slap him any minute now," River smirked—many Hogwarts teachers would pay to be witness to such a scene. She even noticed Professor Snape, who was being forced to dance with Miss Ada Cackle, was repressing a grin.

“I believe sometimes the fear of losing someone deeply loved can make one do rather foolish things,” Dumbledore’s sober tone made River tear her gaze away from John and Miss Hardbroom. “We may, perhaps, find ourselves searching for ways to prevent us from fulfilling meaningful promises. Or twisting their interpretations, to the point where we are unable to tell if one is breaking or, indeed, keeping the vow.” Dumbledore paused, waiting for his words to sink in, “Especially when it comes to matters of the heart. How goes the saying? Love makes a fool of us all.”

“I get the feeling there’s something you are not allowed to tell me, but you’re giving me hints to find out on my own.”

Dumbledore stood with a mysterious smile. “Help will always be given at Hogwarts, Professor Song, to those who ask for it.” He extended his hand, and, hesitantly, River took it.

Dumbledore led her through the corridors, away from the tranquillity of the courtyard and the agitation of the Great Hall. Several turns: a right, then left; another right, right and left again…up and down moving staircases they went.

When they came to a halt, River realised they were standing in front of the Mirror of Erised.

“I’ve always prized myself on my ability to turn a phrase. Words are, in my not so humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury and remedying it. But I would, in this case, amend my original statement to this: ‘Help will always be given at Hogwarts, to those who deserve it.’”

When River looked at the mirror, a brunette woman was standing there, peering straight back at her from within the glass. She wore the oddest of clothes, even for the magical world and her dark hair was arranged in a strange, dishevelled style—but what caught River’s attention was the golden fob watch the woman carefully held between the palm of her hands; both woman and watch emitted a warm golden glow, the energy seeming to come through the glass and warming River’s hearts.

The woman looked pointedly at the watch, then back at River, and whispered:

“ _If you have to ask, you’ll never know. If you know, you need only ask.”_

Suddenly, the light formed itself into a perfect, transparent golden bubble that flew out of the mirror and came flying towards River’s chest, seemingly entering her hearts. She had never seen that woman or heard her voice before, but River knew her name was the Tardis and she was guiding her to the Room of Requirement…

And so she ran.

**…**

River heard footsteps coming down the corridor as the door materialized in front of her, but she dared not to look back. When she entered, she found an empty room; except, it didn’t _feel_ empty…The voice of the Tardis invaded her mind once again.

_“Look.”_

“Look where?” River asked almost desperately, turning and scanning the room for anything out of the ordinary.

_“Exactly where you don’t want to look, where you never want to look,”_ the Tardis’ voice came too close to her ear, startling her. _“The corner of your eye. Look behind you.”_

River’s breathing stopped, fear pulsing steadily through her veins, building up her body’s natural response, the most basic survival instinct: _run._

_“Don’t run. Now, I know you’re scared. But never run when you’re scared. Rule seven.”_ At the Tardis’ soothing voice, she calmed her breathing and gathered the strength to turn around.

In the middle of what had been an empty room only seconds ago was a police box, its colour a brilliant, vibrant blue. River’s blood rushed in her veins, sensing the anticipation. As a time traveller, she had studied everything about the artefact ancient Time Lords from Gallifrey had built to travel—historians had called it TARDIS.

“Time and relative dimension in space,” River whispered, stepping closer to it. Those words felt empty to her. She laid a hand against the door and felt a warm feeling emanating from the inside; something was calling to her from within the Tardis. She felt pulled into warm arms, like a mother rocking her child into the safety of dreams…it felt like a welcoming home.

“River, no!” John’s sudden and urgent voice brought her back to the present.

The Tardis was angry at John’s interruption, River could feel it. Not _John_ , however, not really.

“Why not?” River turned her back to the Tardis’ door. “What’s in there that is so secret, _Doctor_?”

_Doctor._ River wondered where that title had come from.

_Not a title, a name._ The word felt so familiar.

“What are you hiding?”

“You might need a key,” The Doctor showed her a silver key clutched in his hand. But at this exhibit, the Tardis’ door clicked open. “Of course you would,” he huffed, annoyed.

River turned, not caring what John had to say and entered the Tardis; she could hear John’s hurried steps behind her. The watch that she’d seen earlier in the Mirror of Erised was sat atop a blue diary, over the Tardis’ console. Alongside those items was a time vortex manipulator River recognized as hers, although she was sure hers was on her wrist, as it usually was. As River drew closer, the vortex manipulator emitted tiny crackles and blue sparks.

_Time paradox._

“John, my love? What’s this?” River asked softly but did not turn to face him. She gently grabbed the watch. It whispered to her:

> _I wish I could tell you that you’ll be loved. That you’ll be safe and cared for and protected. But this isn’t the time for lies._ _What you are going to be, Melody, is very, very brave._
> 
> _The Doctor says I am the child of the Tardis…_

“Please don’t,” The Doctor hurried to her, taking River’s hands in his own.

“What are you not telling me?”

The tension was palpable in the Tardis’ control room. They both fell silent and so did the Tardis.

“What if, let’s say there's this incredibly beautiful woman with great hair, clever, has her own gun and doesn't mind shooting people—” River frowned at John’s feeble attempt at an explanation, “—Let’s say something bad happened when she was a baby and she was taken away.”

“I don’t follow—”

“And she was trained and conditioned with one singular purpose. To kill a man. A silly, stupid mad man, really. Not nearly as important as everyone may think. Anyway, would you tell her all of it? Or would you rather let her forget so she can start a new life with no baggage at all? Free at last.”

John squeezed River’s hand lovingly, his eyes desperately searching for understanding in her blue ones, silently pleading for her to agree with his words.

“Would you, River?”

“I—I think that maybe, _for once_ , she would like to make her _own_ decisions…without anyone interfering and setting the path for her. That’s what I think _I_ would like to do if I were her. I would want to be given the choice.”

The Doctor took a tiny step back but did not pull away. Instead, he slowly raised one hand and stroked River’s cheek.

“Then, open the watch.”

The sadness that tinged John's voice made River hesitate. What or who could be the cause of such heartache? The Tardis hummed then, encouraging her. With careful fingers River opened the watch, the golden light engulfing her and commanding her eyes, now shining an impossible gold. She gasped in pain as memories materialised in her mind and her heart was stricken with emotions. The Doctor supported her and when the light faded away, it was only then that he took a step back.

“Hello,” he whispered innocently like he had done before. This time, River didn’t say it back or smile lovingly at him. The Doctor saw something akin to disappointment clouding her eyes, something she had never given him permission to see before. Betrayal, to be precise.

“River, I—”

She held up one finger, preventing him from speaking any further. It scared him, this River. The Doctor had anticipated many heated reactions but never this coldness.

“ _Don’t you dare,_ ” River whispered threateningly, turning to take her diary and disappearing down the console stairs and into the Tardis’ corridors. She needed to get to their room, fetch her belongings and leave.

“River!” The Doctor ran after her and managed to catch her by the wrist, forcing her to turn and face him.

“Eleven years?” River spat viciously, her voice barely above a whisper. “Or perhaps it was only twelve months or maybe even thirteen days…Even still, was it fun playing house?”

“That’s not—”

“It was cold, _Doctor_. Even by your standards, it was cold."

“I was trying to protect you!” The Doctor argued.

“I never asked for your protection.”

“But you bloody well could!” The Doctor was angry at her, “Never even occurred to you, did it?”

“I’m not one of your ordinary companions. I can handle being on my own.”

The Tardis fell completely silent, letting the gravitas of the words fall upon her stolen Doctor and her precious child.

**…**

The Doctor knew River would never ask for help, mostly because she didn’t need his protection. But more importantly, the reason River never asked was because she knew that if she did, _her_ Doctor would pull time and space apart for her...and, the funny, wibbly wobbly, timey _wimey_ thing was, if he did it, he would never become _her_ Doctor and River would never become _his_ River.

Not to ask was their unspoken understanding.

“Would you listen to me, please?” The Doctor begged. River shook her head, taking a step back, his fingers still clasped around her wrist. 

“River!” The Doctor shouted as she disappeared with a deafening _crack_ and flash of lightning that could only come from a vortex manipulator being used.

“Fine, fine!” The Doctor shouted angrily, hurrying towards the console room. “Now is not the time to play favourites. We need to find River.”

The Tardis hummed and shook, refusing to obey her thief. Ignoring the protest, The Doctor focused on pressing random buttons, pulling a few levers on the console and finally he entered the co-ordinates, all the while grumbling unintelligibly.

Suddenly, the Tardis landed without a sound as if it was River who was flying her instead of him. The Doctor ran towards the door, opening it abruptly, forgetting about any environmental checks. When he stepped outside the Tardis, he did so right into a crystal clear pond, wetting his jeans up to his knees. A dozen or so surprised—and not at all scared—otters were looking at him.

River was nowhere to be seen.

*******

**Author's Note:**

> Forgot to mention, these posts on Tumblr were the main reason I got inspired to write this fic in the first place, so I guess, thank you: 
> 
> ～ https://drsong.tumblr.com/post/18624747323/john-my-love-whats-this  
> ～ https://canyousonicme.tumblr.com/post/58638343797/au-river-song-harry-potter-dr-river-song  
> ～ https://thedenimofrose.tumblr.com/post/148194233062/those-stories-you-told-me-about-your-parents


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